The Wolf at the Door

This came up on my time hop today. I wrote it a couple of years ago on my old blog.
Sadly things are no better, in fact it is worse.

Some people refer to depression as "The Black Dog". Good analysis
OCD is a form of that, or mental illness really.
And that Wolf has been sniffing around my heels for many years.

"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
Mark Twain

This is my mantra, but when the wolf bites it gets forgotten.
I have heard OCD described as a bridge. On one side is the foggy world of fear, obsessional doubt, anxiety, emotional reasoning, unreality and ritual that is OCD.
On the other side is common sense, reality, objectivity.....FREEDOM!!
My husband often asks me where I am on the bridge, I'm usually somewhere in the middle, but when the wolf howls, I'm lost in the fog.
OCD is an affliction that is stopping me from LIVING MY LIFE and I don't know why.
I have had therapy over the years. In fact this time last year I thought I'd been 'cured.'
But slowly but surely it's been creeping back in, I don't think it ever really went away. I understand it better.
I struggle with emotions, have done for most of my life. I've depended on lots of crutches, food, alcohol, OCD.
Anything to stop me from thinking and feeling really. But I don't understand why and therein lies the key.
I hope one day I can take that key, cross the bridge away from OCD land. I will unlock the door, step over the threshold where love and peace is waiting for me.
And I will slam that door against the beast forever.

Back to today..
I've had more therapy, swapped my medication to different tablets, different doses time and time again.
Yet the dog still barks, over and over again.

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