16.11.14
9.11.14
Trials and tribulations!!
Back to school in the winter usually means the start of coughs, colds and general nasty viruses. And with three children it's really been doing the rounds this year. Nothing major, just the usual coughing sneezing and buckets of snot.....or so we thought.
Friday night Ruby was particularly restless so I put her into bed with me. The next minute she started fitting. I ran downstairs with her where Mark had been delegated to the sofa. Her head was lolling back and her eyes weren't fixed. She was boiling hot.
I have never been so scared in my whole life.
After about five minutes the convulsions stopped. It was the longest few minutes of my life.
Mark rushed her down to A&E.
It was a Febrile Seizure
Something that is fairly common, but I had never heard of it.
She is home now. Very tired and clingy. Still hot. But she is home.
How precious are our children? For a split second I thought we were losing her. I couldn't let myself imagine life without her. It is every parents worst fear.
If you have small children, babies, please read up on Febrile Seizures
Febrile seizures are quite common. An estimated 1 in 20 children will have at least one febrile seizure at some point. Most febrile seizures occur between the ages of six months and three years. The average age is 18 months.
I will be better prepared if it happens again. I'm going to invest in a good ear thermometer. I will probably become temperature obsessed!
But I will be prepared.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday night Ruby was particularly restless so I put her into bed with me. The next minute she started fitting. I ran downstairs with her where Mark had been delegated to the sofa. Her head was lolling back and her eyes weren't fixed. She was boiling hot.
I have never been so scared in my whole life.
After about five minutes the convulsions stopped. It was the longest few minutes of my life.
Mark rushed her down to A&E.
It was a Febrile Seizure
Something that is fairly common, but I had never heard of it.
She is home now. Very tired and clingy. Still hot. But she is home.
How precious are our children? For a split second I thought we were losing her. I couldn't let myself imagine life without her. It is every parents worst fear.
If you have small children, babies, please read up on Febrile Seizures
Febrile seizures are quite common. An estimated 1 in 20 children will have at least one febrile seizure at some point. Most febrile seizures occur between the ages of six months and three years. The average age is 18 months.
I will be better prepared if it happens again. I'm going to invest in a good ear thermometer. I will probably become temperature obsessed!
But I will be prepared.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
23.10.14
The Wolf at the Door
This came up on my time hop today. I wrote it a couple of years ago on my old blog.
Sadly things are no better, in fact it is worse.
Some people refer to depression as "The Black Dog". Good analysis
OCD is a form of that, or mental illness really.
And that Wolf has been sniffing around my heels for many years.
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
Mark Twain
This is my mantra, but when the wolf bites it gets forgotten.
I have heard OCD described as a bridge. On one side is the foggy world of fear, obsessional doubt, anxiety, emotional reasoning, unreality and ritual that is OCD.
On the other side is common sense, reality, objectivity.....FREEDOM!!
My husband often asks me where I am on the bridge, I'm usually somewhere in the middle, but when the wolf howls, I'm lost in the fog.
OCD is an affliction that is stopping me from LIVING MY LIFE and I don't know why.
I have had therapy over the years. In fact this time last year I thought I'd been 'cured.'
But slowly but surely it's been creeping back in, I don't think it ever really went away. I understand it better.
I struggle with emotions, have done for most of my life. I've depended on lots of crutches, food, alcohol, OCD.
Anything to stop me from thinking and feeling really. But I don't understand why and therein lies the key.
I hope one day I can take that key, cross the bridge away from OCD land. I will unlock the door, step over the threshold where love and peace is waiting for me.
And I will slam that door against the beast forever.
Back to today..
I've had more therapy, swapped my medication to different tablets, different doses time and time again.
Yet the dog still barks, over and over again.
- Posted using BlogPress from my ipad
Sadly things are no better, in fact it is worse.
Some people refer to depression as "The Black Dog". Good analysis
OCD is a form of that, or mental illness really.
And that Wolf has been sniffing around my heels for many years.
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
Mark Twain
This is my mantra, but when the wolf bites it gets forgotten.
I have heard OCD described as a bridge. On one side is the foggy world of fear, obsessional doubt, anxiety, emotional reasoning, unreality and ritual that is OCD.
On the other side is common sense, reality, objectivity.....FREEDOM!!
My husband often asks me where I am on the bridge, I'm usually somewhere in the middle, but when the wolf howls, I'm lost in the fog.
OCD is an affliction that is stopping me from LIVING MY LIFE and I don't know why.
I have had therapy over the years. In fact this time last year I thought I'd been 'cured.'
But slowly but surely it's been creeping back in, I don't think it ever really went away. I understand it better.
I struggle with emotions, have done for most of my life. I've depended on lots of crutches, food, alcohol, OCD.
Anything to stop me from thinking and feeling really. But I don't understand why and therein lies the key.
I hope one day I can take that key, cross the bridge away from OCD land. I will unlock the door, step over the threshold where love and peace is waiting for me.
And I will slam that door against the beast forever.
Back to today..
I've had more therapy, swapped my medication to different tablets, different doses time and time again.
Yet the dog still barks, over and over again.
- Posted using BlogPress from my ipad
20.10.14
Time to try again!!
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Time goes by so quickly! It's a long time since I've attempted to post on here.
I have been rather busy...but Ruby is now one, believe it or not, and I feel I need to do something with all these words going round in my head....now she doesn't need me quite so much!
It's been quite a tough year, as most with babies and young children will identify with.
Luke is now four and started "Big School" in September. He is a whirlwind of energy and emotions at the moment, dealing with new situations and challenges daily. I have worried about him and how he will cope. I can see him in the playground from Amy's bedroom window, lovely when he is running round with all his little friends. Worry some when he is not!!
I needn't have despaired quite as much!!
Bless him!!!
Our little free spirit Amy has just turned four. She is a wild, stubborn force of nature who has me locked in a battle of wills on an hourly basis!!!
My relationship with her has been very challenging in this year. No longer baby of the family, she has struggled to find her place and I have probably over compensated with far too many toys as I haven't quite known how to 'be' with her. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere though! She is chatting away now, with a fierce love of her dollies. She is bright and endearing and gives the best cuddles!
And then there's our little Ruby Roo....babies change so much in a short year. Too much!! She has blended into our family with ease! Adored by her big brother and loved by everyone she meets. She studies faces for hours...and smiles constantly. The first three horrendous months are now but a distant memory and she is content.
As for me...well as I said it has been a hard year! My mental health has been extremely challenging, especially right now. I am hoping this blog can be some kind of outlet for me to vent and share what is going on in my head, try to make sense of it all.
I hope to become a better blogger! I want to learn about how links work properly and how to put references etc in my posts. It all seems like a bit of a minefield!!
But I need a new challenge! And I am hoping, maybe that this will be it!
Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Time goes by so quickly! It's a long time since I've attempted to post on here.
I have been rather busy...but Ruby is now one, believe it or not, and I feel I need to do something with all these words going round in my head....now she doesn't need me quite so much!
It's been quite a tough year, as most with babies and young children will identify with.
Luke is now four and started "Big School" in September. He is a whirlwind of energy and emotions at the moment, dealing with new situations and challenges daily. I have worried about him and how he will cope. I can see him in the playground from Amy's bedroom window, lovely when he is running round with all his little friends. Worry some when he is not!!
I needn't have despaired quite as much!!
Bless him!!!
Our little free spirit Amy has just turned four. She is a wild, stubborn force of nature who has me locked in a battle of wills on an hourly basis!!!
My relationship with her has been very challenging in this year. No longer baby of the family, she has struggled to find her place and I have probably over compensated with far too many toys as I haven't quite known how to 'be' with her. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere though! She is chatting away now, with a fierce love of her dollies. She is bright and endearing and gives the best cuddles!
And then there's our little Ruby Roo....babies change so much in a short year. Too much!! She has blended into our family with ease! Adored by her big brother and loved by everyone she meets. She studies faces for hours...and smiles constantly. The first three horrendous months are now but a distant memory and she is content.
As for me...well as I said it has been a hard year! My mental health has been extremely challenging, especially right now. I am hoping this blog can be some kind of outlet for me to vent and share what is going on in my head, try to make sense of it all.
I hope to become a better blogger! I want to learn about how links work properly and how to put references etc in my posts. It all seems like a bit of a minefield!!
But I need a new challenge! And I am hoping, maybe that this will be it!
Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
25.1.14
Letters for Matilda Mae
Nearly a year ago, I went on twitter for one of my usual noseies.
I'm no longer a twaddict.....it was ruining my health! But I duck in and out occasionally to see what's occurring!!
There was a sombre mood. Something had happened...there was a lot of confusion but from what I could gather and nobody wanted to believe it to be true....a baby had died.
What transpired over the next few days was truly, desperately awful.
A baby belonging to a much loved blogger, a fellow mummy who liked to blog about her three beautiful children and her husband and their lives.
Matilda Mae.
A nine month old baby,
Taken too soon.
A baby with the biggest brown eyes and friendliest smile you have ever seen.
Why why why??????
My heart broke for Jennie and her family and each picture I saw or sad sentence Jennie wrote, broke it a little more.
A lady I didn't know, a baby I didn't know. But they have touched me in a way I cannot explain.
A few days later, I found out I was pregnant with my third child.
That day I lit a candle. A candle for a beautiful baby.
Matilda Mae.
A nine month old baby.
Taken too soon.
And I think of her and her mummy every day.
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