My favourite word...

Silent Sunday

#R2BC Reasons to be cheerful....1 2 3

What a fantastic idea from Michelle at http://mdplife.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/reasons%20to%20be%20cheerful
Sometimes when I'm so caught up in day to day pressures of bringing up two very small children and trying to be a good 'Domestic Goddess ' type wifey....(Please read that last bit with plenty of irony! It is intended that way!) I forget to be grateful. In fact hubbie and I have got self pity syndrome down to a fine art....on most days anyway!!!So I think this will be good for me in a 'Wake up and smell the coffee' kind of way, so I may make a weekly habit of it, because when I think about things really, we are so lucky!
Number 1 :-
My children are healthy and possibly the most beautiful babies I have ever set eyes on! Yeah yeah I'm biased I know, but isn't that a good thing? That all us parents out there look at our children in that wonderful unconditional way? Even when they have snot running down their faces and chocolate in their hair! There will never be a feeling like that! If I could capture it, that intense feeling of love and protection I feel when I look at them, I would bottle it and keep it forever, I hope it never changes, I don't think that it can, even when they reach 40!
Number 2 :-
We have a lovely warm house, rented, granted, but ours all the same, until we are in a position to get our very own! My dream.....an un-magnolia'd piece of heaven!!This house is all my children have ever known. They feel safe here. We moved in five days before Luke made an unexpected early arrival. We were putting up his nursery when my waters broke. It will always be our first family home together.
Number 3 :-
Every week hubbie buys me flowers!!! I know we are new to this marriage lark, six months in....But I hope he always does, because it makes me feel special!
So there we have it! And you know,  it has made me smile!!

Note all the boxes at the back!!!!!
So here's the linky bit!! Please come and say hello, and thanks to Julie at http://my-lifeandkids.blogspot.co.uk/ for suggesting this lovely idea!

My beautiful Amy.

When I found out I was expecting a baby girl, a little sister for Luke, I felt quite apprehensive.

I haven't always had the best relationship with my mum. I love her so much, but we just press each others buttons. Always have, probably always will!

I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a daughter.      

A blonde haired blue eyed version of Luke who we might call Lucy or Lola?

Would we bond..or would she be a 'Daddy's Girl' like me?

Would she be a good baby like Luke? (Ironically just before the terrible two's!)

As I got bigger I got more nervous.

I could tell by the hefty kicks she was giving me there was going to be trouble! Everyone said she was bound to be, because Luke was so good! 

I don't know what to expect really. But would definately check for horns and 666 when she made an appearance! 

Which she did, three weeks early like her brother.

And she was nothing like what I thought!

A huge mop of black hair, big dark eyes. It was love at first sight.

My darling Amy May.

And, like her brother she has been an absolute joy.

So far......

I have been told by a very good friend that at least Luke should be out of the horrible, horrible twos quite soon, but Amy, once in them, probably won't be out of them until she is at least 16!

A bit like her mother. Oh dear!

But for now I won't worry about that, and enjoy whats left of her babyhood.

And fall in love with her a little bit more each day.

 

My Picture of the day.....

For my hubbie and kids 

I love you all three and you really do 'Light up my life' every single day.

My Picture of the day......

The Wolf at the Door.

Some people refer to depression as "The Black Dog". Good analysis.

OCD is a form of that, or mental illness really.

And that Wolf has been sniffing around my heels for many years. 

"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."

Mark Twain

This is my mantra, but when the wolf bites it gets forgotten.

I have heard OCD described as a bridge. On one side is the foggy world of fear, obsessional doubt, anxiety, emotional reasoning, unreality and ritual that is OCD. 

On the other side is common sense, reality, objectivity.....FREEDOM!!

My husband often asks me where I am on the bridge, I'm usually somewhere in the middle, but when the wolf howls, I'm lost in the fog.

OCD is an affliction that is stopping me from LIVING MY LIFE and I don't know why.

I have had therapy over the years. In fact this time last year I thought I'd been 'cured.'

But slowly but surely it's been creeping back in, I don't think it ever really went away. I understand it better.

I struggle with emotions, have done for most of my life. I've depended on lots of crutches, food, alcohol, OCD. Anything to stop me from thinking and feeling really. But I don't understand why and therein lies the key.

I hope one day I can take that key, cross the bridge away from OCD land. I will unlock the door, step over the threshold where love and peace is waiting for me.

And I will slam that door against the beast forever.

My Picture of the day....

Silent Sunday

Saturday is Caption Day

Ooh how exciting!' My very first caption!!
Meet Luke, my comical son!!

Autumn days when the grass is jewelled......

Autumn is my favourite season!!!
I love the beautiful colours of the leaves, the cosy evenings by the roaring log fire...The promise of Santa coming down the chimney soon, Chestnuts roasting...Okay, i've gone off in my dreams again...But the first line is true!
Whenever i think of the seasons i'm always taken back to Primary School and a song we used to sing called Autumn Days. I have such fond memories of that school. When i sing this song it always makes me smile and i'm taken back to Westlands Primary
The School Dinners!!! I remember the cooks dumping instant mash onto the tray with an icecream scoop and it always made me gag!!
Our Headmaster who was probably only about fifty, but we thought was as old as the hills!!
Mr Pumphrey with his wooden block. Mrs Moore and The Grand National maths tests and her partner in crime Mrs Smith, who this song particulary reminds me of because she conducted the choir.

Autumn Days Lyrics

Autumn days, when the grass is jewelled
And the silk inside a chestnut shell
Jet planes meeting in the air to be refuelled
All these things I love so well

So I mustn’t forget
No, I mustn’t forget
To say a great big thank you
I mustn’t forget.

Clouds that look like familiar faces
And a winter’s moon with frosted rings
Smell of bacon as I fasten up my laces
And the song the milkman sings.

So I mustn’t forget
No, I mustn’t forget
To say a great big thank you
I mustn’t forget.

Whipped-up spray that is rainbow-scattered
And a swallow curving in the sky
Shoes so comfy though they’re worn out and they’re battered
And the taste of apple pie.

So I mustn’t forget
No, I mustn’t forget
To say a great big thank you
I mustn’t forget.

Scent of gardens when the rain’s been falling
And a minnow darting down a stream
Picked-up engine that’s been stuttering and stalling
And a win for my home team.

So I mustn’t forget
No, I mustn’t forget
To say a great big thank you
I mustn’t forget.

Autumn Days
by Estelle White

My Picture of the day......

By Luke age 2 1/2
I know I'm biased, but God he's good!!

Getting to Know You : Meme

Yikes!!! I have been tagged to do a post by the lovely Mistakes of the First Time Mummy
I have been been trying to work out how do do that said tag for most of today.....
A nice lady has been helping me on the BritMums site....ha see I'm getting good at it now!!
About half an hour ago I realised that said lady was in fact Mistakes of the First time Mummy....
Who had tagged me through Twitter!!
Oh dear...will I ever get the hang of this!!!!!!
Anyway I shall stop deveating and get on with it shall i?

Here are the rules:-

1. Post 5 random facts about yourself
2. Choose 5 other deserving blogs with less than 200 subscribers to nominate and link their blogs in your post
3. Tell your nominees you have chosen them for this award by leaving a comment on their blogs
4. Answer the 5 questions the tagger has asked you and ask your own 5 questions to the people you nominate
5. No tag backs

Alrighty then!!
My 5 random facts are:
1. I suffer quite badly with OCD. It is a horrible mental disorder that I have had for quite some time now. Some days are better than others and I need to keep my mind occupied which is one reason I started blogging.
2. The last thing I do each night is check on my two babies..not because of OCD, but because they are the two most precious things in my life and I always want to make sure they are okay.
3. I used to be a model! Blimey I know!
4. I've got fat thumbs! Hereditary apparently. My mums are worse than mine and Amy's are better! Phew!
5. I'm an Essex girl and very proud of that fact..and before you ask, no it's nothing like THAT show!!

Here are the questions posted to me by Mistakes of the First Time Mummy

1. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you visit?

I think it would have to be New York at Christmas. But it would have to be just like it is in all the films!! I love that idea.....Me and my husband and children all dressed up in Winter garb, clutching parcels wrapped in brown paper and string...with our noses pressed up to the fantastic displays in Bloomingdales, listening to Santa ringing his bell in the foyer...
I've heard it's actually nothing like that, but shhhh, a girl can dream!

2. What is your favourite type of cake?

Carrot every time! But it HAS HAS HAS to have raisins in it!

3. Would you rather: Travel back in time or forward to take a look into the future and why?

Definitely not forward. I might see something I'd rather not know about. I'd go back, back to
1985.
I'd tell the 13 year old me that she's ok, that she is good enough, that she's not fat and doesn't need to
go on that diet that will change the path of her life.

4. Who is the most influential person in your life.

My Dad, without a doubt. I always talk through everything with him. We call him the Oracle.
I wish I could be more like him. Nothing ever seems to phase him and he just gets on with life,
Whereas I seem to struggle and kick at every turn!

5. What do you enjoy most in life?

Those priceless happy moments, when my husband makes me laugh so much I wish I'd done those pelvic floor exercises!
When my children smile and are content.
Cuddles, lots of cuddles!
Time with good friends who listen and dont judge
Those moments you wish you could replay again and again!!

I enjoyed that!! Hope you did too!
Now to find some bloggers to tag.

3 Children and it

Keeping up with the Joneses

Multi Layer Mummy

Everyone else is Normal

Northern Mum

Oh and here are my questions!!

1. If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere....where would it be and who would you be spying on?

2. What is your favourite comfort food?

3. What is your favourite thing about yourself?

4. Who was your favourite teacher at school and why?

5. Who do you admire most in the world?

My Picture of the day......

When I see pictures like this, they always make me think......
Sometimes we are all so busy in our daily lives we forget about what's important.
We become doubtful of our abilities to be good parents, spouses, friends.
We always think we could do better!
Our souls get covered by layer upon layer of things that really don't matter....
Blow off the cobwebs and let your soul shine!!!

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!!

Yeah??!!
Really funny when you are seven and its somewhat of a novelty!! But I'm 40 next month and it's not!!
I won't go into the boring details but a mahoosive dental cock up, months of pain and numerous operations and appointments have left me looking like a extra from the Addams Family!!
I do have a very attractive plate with two teeth attached to it...but it doesn't fit very well as my gums are healing blah blah.
Mind you it looks great when imbedded in a sandwich I'm trying to eat, and is a source of great amusement to my newly-wedded-to husband and toddler...whereas my baby girl just looks at me and shows off her new sparkly baby ones!! Thanks angel!!
I guess it's a sign of things to come!! Get to 40...fall apart!! In all senses of the word.
And when I wake up in the morning and see my lovely false nashers smiling at me from the glass on the bedside table I know in that instant I have not turned into my Mother, oh no.....I'm my bloody Grandmother bless her soul.
All I need now are the curlers and hairnet!!!
Oh well, on the bright side at least I won't need to dress up for Halloween!
And maybe, just maybe I will have my new front teeth by Christmas......
Here's hoping!!

Blowing on cold weetabix!!!

Baby brain they call it....
I've had em all!! Blonde moments TICK. Essex Girl TICK.
In fact i did a good 'clareism' last night.
Hubbie:- 'I saw Scottish John tonight'.
Me:- 'Is that the one from Wales?'
I wouldnt mind but that's the second time I've done that!!
Cl'air' head... That's me!
So today when I found myself blowing on Amy's cold weetabix I imagined the scenario in ten years time....
My poor poor children. I hope they will still love me when I put jam on their chips and ketchup in their sandwiches!!
Actually forget ten years, that'll probably happen next week!!
Hubbies just as bad!
He just started eating a choux pastry and said to me in all seriousness....
"Does that look like a shoe to you?"
Oh my days!!!!
Note my ironic photo!!

Life begins at forty.

Now I’m nearly there I thought I’d investigate why people use this saying??
This is my favourite (but not neccessarily true) answer!

“People say life starts at 40 because hopefully, by the age of 40 we have learned and matured enough to really enjoy life, without repeating mistakes and with the knowledge of our years…..in 40 years, we should have learned enough to truly know what we seek and what truly makes us happy….and hopefully, at the age of 40…we will be able to go after it and obtain it……

It is about wisdom and experience my friend……..”

Hmmm!!
What can I say about my 30’s..
They didn’t start off too great, but in the last five years I have got more than I ever dreamed possible.

I met a wonderful man, who made me learn to trust again.

We made two miracles together, our beautiful children.

We got married....

I am now forty years and one day old.

Do I feel any different?

Am I now more mature?

Erm...ask my friend what happened tonight at Pilates when the instructor farted??

Did I act politely and pretend I hadn't heard?? Did I hell!

Pass the tena lady!!