This came up on my time hop today. I wrote it a couple of years ago on my old blog.
Sadly things are no better, in fact it is worse.
Some people refer to depression as "The Black Dog". Good analysis
OCD is a form of that, or mental illness really.
And that Wolf has been sniffing around my heels for many years.
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
Mark Twain
This is my mantra, but when the wolf bites it gets forgotten.
I have heard OCD described as a bridge. On one side is the foggy world of fear, obsessional doubt, anxiety, emotional reasoning, unreality and ritual that is OCD.
On the other side is common sense, reality, objectivity.....FREEDOM!!
My husband often asks me where I am on the bridge, I'm usually somewhere in the middle, but when the wolf howls, I'm lost in the fog.
OCD is an affliction that is stopping me from LIVING MY LIFE and I don't know why.
I have had therapy over the years. In fact this time last year I thought I'd been 'cured.'
But slowly but surely it's been creeping back in, I don't think it ever really went away. I understand it better.
I struggle with emotions, have done for most of my life. I've depended on lots of crutches, food, alcohol, OCD.
Anything to stop me from thinking and feeling really. But I don't understand why and therein lies the key.
I hope one day I can take that key, cross the bridge away from OCD land. I will unlock the door, step over the threshold where love and peace is waiting for me.
And I will slam that door against the beast forever.
Back to today..
I've had more therapy, swapped my medication to different tablets, different doses time and time again.
Yet the dog still barks, over and over again.
- Posted using BlogPress from my ipad
23.10.14
20.10.14
Time to try again!!
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Time goes by so quickly! It's a long time since I've attempted to post on here.
I have been rather busy...but Ruby is now one, believe it or not, and I feel I need to do something with all these words going round in my head....now she doesn't need me quite so much!
It's been quite a tough year, as most with babies and young children will identify with.
Luke is now four and started "Big School" in September. He is a whirlwind of energy and emotions at the moment, dealing with new situations and challenges daily. I have worried about him and how he will cope. I can see him in the playground from Amy's bedroom window, lovely when he is running round with all his little friends. Worry some when he is not!!
I needn't have despaired quite as much!!
Bless him!!!
Our little free spirit Amy has just turned four. She is a wild, stubborn force of nature who has me locked in a battle of wills on an hourly basis!!!
My relationship with her has been very challenging in this year. No longer baby of the family, she has struggled to find her place and I have probably over compensated with far too many toys as I haven't quite known how to 'be' with her. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere though! She is chatting away now, with a fierce love of her dollies. She is bright and endearing and gives the best cuddles!
And then there's our little Ruby Roo....babies change so much in a short year. Too much!! She has blended into our family with ease! Adored by her big brother and loved by everyone she meets. She studies faces for hours...and smiles constantly. The first three horrendous months are now but a distant memory and she is content.
As for me...well as I said it has been a hard year! My mental health has been extremely challenging, especially right now. I am hoping this blog can be some kind of outlet for me to vent and share what is going on in my head, try to make sense of it all.
I hope to become a better blogger! I want to learn about how links work properly and how to put references etc in my posts. It all seems like a bit of a minefield!!
But I need a new challenge! And I am hoping, maybe that this will be it!
Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Time goes by so quickly! It's a long time since I've attempted to post on here.
I have been rather busy...but Ruby is now one, believe it or not, and I feel I need to do something with all these words going round in my head....now she doesn't need me quite so much!
It's been quite a tough year, as most with babies and young children will identify with.
Luke is now four and started "Big School" in September. He is a whirlwind of energy and emotions at the moment, dealing with new situations and challenges daily. I have worried about him and how he will cope. I can see him in the playground from Amy's bedroom window, lovely when he is running round with all his little friends. Worry some when he is not!!
I needn't have despaired quite as much!!
Bless him!!!
Our little free spirit Amy has just turned four. She is a wild, stubborn force of nature who has me locked in a battle of wills on an hourly basis!!!
My relationship with her has been very challenging in this year. No longer baby of the family, she has struggled to find her place and I have probably over compensated with far too many toys as I haven't quite known how to 'be' with her. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere though! She is chatting away now, with a fierce love of her dollies. She is bright and endearing and gives the best cuddles!
And then there's our little Ruby Roo....babies change so much in a short year. Too much!! She has blended into our family with ease! Adored by her big brother and loved by everyone she meets. She studies faces for hours...and smiles constantly. The first three horrendous months are now but a distant memory and she is content.
As for me...well as I said it has been a hard year! My mental health has been extremely challenging, especially right now. I am hoping this blog can be some kind of outlet for me to vent and share what is going on in my head, try to make sense of it all.
I hope to become a better blogger! I want to learn about how links work properly and how to put references etc in my posts. It all seems like a bit of a minefield!!
But I need a new challenge! And I am hoping, maybe that this will be it!
Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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