Silent Sunday

Wading through treacle

It's quarter to two in the afternoon and I've finally sat down with a cup of coffee!

Probably a familiar tale to many of you mothers out there, but sometimes I find it all so overwhelming and bloody hard work, especially when my head isn't feeling right, which is most of the time lately.

I always feel so full of fear, of what I don't know. I always have, and it's horrible.

I had a mental health assessment yesterday for counselling...more bloody counselling!

Usual story, but something's got to give. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this torment. Why should I?

http://clarelouallen.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-wolf-at-door.html

I know I think too much! I'm scared to reach out to people.

My best friend reminded me what I've got in my life today. More than I ever dreamt possible, so why can't I move on? Why don't I feel anything?

I believe in God, I also believe everything happens for a reason. Every struggle I have been through I look back on and can see why it had to happen.

It isn't always like this fortunately! I had a moment yesterday when I looked at my children when I felt so proud. I live for these moments!

When is the right time for Christmas decorations?

Hmmmm!

This was a post originally written by Helpful mum at http://www.offcumden.com/2012/12/when-is-right-time-for-christmas.html and it got me thinking.

Christmas seems to come around earlier every year now. Mince Pie on Halloween anyone?

I used to be the girl at school who bedecked her room every year, the tackier the better, but then I got an eating disorder and Christmas became a battlefield for many years...in fact I still don't really enjoy it. But now I have two babies of my own, I want to make Christmas time as special as I can.

Luke is nearly three. Still a bit too young to understand it all, though he seems to get that Santa brings him presents if he is a good boy.....

And therein lies another dilemma. Trying to stop using that as a weapon every time he is naughty. Because he is naughty a lot!!

Amy is one and into everything! So where am I supposed to put the tree without her pulling it over or yanking off the baubles?

We won't be here on Christmas Day, My mum will be hostess with the mostest!! Just don't mention her lumpy gravy.....EVER!!

Maybe this weekend then! When Elf is on..... Maybe that will get me in the festive spirit!

Still no idea where to put the bloody tree!

Why do I blog?

I was reading Sally's post at http://pressiesbypebbles.com/why-do-i-blog/

It got me thinking!

Why do you blog? I find writing very therapeutic. I was very good at it at school, but never carried on with it afterwards. Something I often regret.

I have had a lot of life experience. Lots of things I havnt touched on much yet. Maybe I will do a guest post one day. I don't feel I can write about it all on my blog yet, some people will disagree with that, but I like to try and keep my posts a little light hearted at the moment.

What do you get from it? Often just a chance to relive those funny moments you have when there are two very small children about! It's also my way of communicating with different people, whether in Australia or Birmingham! People who I will never meet but we can share our thought about life!

Is it trivial and is that okay sometimes? Of course! It's nice to make people laugh or relate to something silly. Sometimes I will read something that cheers me up and I need that because life can be extremely hard and testing.

Why should people be interested in what you write? I hope they are! I blog a lot about my children, mainly because they are my life at the moment. 

Do you care if they are not?  Not at all! Just please do not leave nasty comments or opinions...I deleted a post because of that, and looking back I wish I hadn't! As a fellow blogger pointed out to me, '' It is YOUR blog, you write what YOU want.

If you blog just for you, why do it publicly? Hmm. Why not? If someone else gets some enjoyment or help from it, then that's good. It's my little piece of the World Wide Web!

What value do you think you are adding to the world by blogging? Probably nothing! But if it helps me, and may help other people then who cares!! I am a very small cog in an infinitely big wheel! 

Do you feel defensive about blogging? To a certain degree. It's hard to explain it to my parents  generation. My Dad thinks its like airing your dirty laundry to the world! But I like to think we are more open minded about things now and talk about feelings!!!

Thanks to DillyTante at http://dillytante.wordpress.com/ who came up with this Blog Hop! It's certainly got me thinking!!

Silent Sunday