Vodka Christmas Cake

This post is not written by me or the incredibly funny Kellie at http://www.bigfashionista.co.uk/ whose blog I stole it from!! I'm not sure where or who it originates from but it has made me giggle on an otherwise rainy and dreary day!

Vodka Christmas cake,

You will need;

1 cup of sugar
1tsp baking powder
1 cup of water
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
1 bottle of good quality vodka
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample a cup of vodka to check it is good quality.

Take one large bowl, check the vodka again to be absolutely sure of the quality then repeat. Turn on the electric mixer thingy. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar, beat again. At this point it may be wise to check the vodka is still at its best, Try it once more, because you are a thorough chef of Nigella standards. Turn off the mixer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in a cup of dried fruit. Pick up the fruit off the floor, wash it and then then add it to the bowl a piece at a time, trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getasa stuck in the beterars, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check on the vodka. Now shit, shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. whatever you can find. greash the oven. turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Dont forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the vodka, and wipe the counter with the cat.