Christmas Dilemma.

I have a bit of a problem.

I'm 41 (no, not that, though it is rather horrible!)

I have never DONE Christmas.

I mean the whole cooking and having family round thing.

I have always gone to mums, though she hates the whole cooking thing too and makes sure we all know about it!

And before my nan died, we always went there for a proper Essexmas knees up! Now that's how i'd like to do it, though sadly we are now minus two aunts, one uncle and all my Grandparents.

But we have gained three children under 4!

Back to the matter in hand, my parents are moving. From Surrey to just down the road from us in Somerset. And I can't bloody wait!

We have no family here at all, so parenting is full on 24 hour hell...well that's not quite true, sometimes it's fun and rewarding and heartwarming. But the majority of the time it's not, as I'm sure most parents of more than 2 under 4 will tell you. And our third has just arrived. We thought we had it sussed before that!

So I'm counting the days. Eight to be exact.

And only sixteen till Christmas.

And I have just made the decision to do it....here!

It's the right daughterly thing to do, isn't it? There isn't anyone else. I'm an only child.

But...

It's expectations isn't it?

Mainly my own.

I don't enjoy Christmas. For anyone who has had problems with food, and doesn't drink, it's not the best time of year. Much as I'd love to, I can't stuff my face and get pissed, well I could, but it wouldn't be pretty and let's just say Christmas, in fact life as I know it would be cancelled!

And unfortunately, living with someone with anorexia for many years had scarred my parents too.

Our relationship isn't always great and it's hard work, but now I have children of my own and they idolise them, and visa versa, so I want to make Christmas special this year.

I have visions of laying on the perfect spread. I can cook, in fact I'm rather good at it. But I hate it.

I am also rather stressed and tired at the moment. Ruby has colic and isn't sleeping so neither am I.

Mark is an extremely tired postman who is working on and up to Christmas Eve. And no it's not like the advert. He most definitely does not 'love parcels'!!!

We haven't even got the tree up yet!

So, do we have pork pie and tinned salmon?!?!?

It's not even about the food is it? Really?

It's about the company.

And if I get mum nice and merry on the mulled wine, I can just about bear it!

For a couple of hours!

Wish me luck.......

I think I'm gonna need it!

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