Time to try again!!

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Time goes by so quickly! It's a long time since I've attempted to post on here.
I have been rather busy...but Ruby is now one, believe it or not, and I feel I need to do something with all these words going round in my head....now she doesn't need me quite so much!
It's been quite a tough year, as most with babies and young children will identify with.
Luke is now four and started "Big School" in September. He is a whirlwind of energy and emotions at the moment, dealing with new situations and challenges daily. I have worried about him and how he will cope. I can see him in the playground from Amy's bedroom window, lovely when he is running round with all his little friends. Worry some when he is not!!
I needn't have despaired quite as much!!

Bless him!!!

Our little free spirit Amy has just turned four. She is a wild, stubborn force of nature who has me locked in a battle of wills on an hourly basis!!!
My relationship with her has been very challenging in this year. No longer baby of the family, she has struggled to find her place and I have probably over compensated with far too many toys as I haven't quite known how to 'be' with her. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere though! She is chatting away now, with a fierce love of her dollies. She is bright and endearing and gives the best cuddles!

And then there's our little Ruby Roo....babies change so much in a short year. Too much!! She has blended into our family with ease! Adored by her big brother and loved by everyone she meets. She studies faces for hours...and smiles constantly. The first three horrendous months are now but a distant memory and she is content.

As for me...well as I said it has been a hard year! My mental health has been extremely challenging, especially right now. I am hoping this blog can be some kind of outlet for me to vent and share what is going on in my head, try to make sense of it all.
I hope to become a better blogger! I want to learn about how links work properly and how to put references etc in my posts. It all seems like a bit of a minefield!!
But I need a new challenge! And I am hoping, maybe that this will be it!

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Letters for Matilda Mae

Nearly a year ago, I went on twitter for one of my usual noseies.
I'm no longer a twaddict.....it was ruining my health! But I duck in and out occasionally to see what's occurring!!
There was a sombre mood. Something had happened...there was a lot of confusion but from what I could gather and nobody wanted to believe it to be true....a baby had died.
What transpired over the next few days was truly, desperately awful.
A baby belonging to a much loved blogger, a fellow mummy who liked to blog about her three beautiful children and her husband and their lives.
Matilda Mae.
A nine month old baby,
Taken too soon.

A baby with the biggest brown eyes and friendliest smile you have ever seen.
Why why why??????
My heart broke for Jennie and her family and each picture I saw or sad sentence Jennie wrote, broke it a little more.
A lady I didn't know, a baby I didn't know. But they have touched me in a way I cannot explain.

A few days later, I found out I was pregnant with my third child.
That day I lit a candle. A candle for a beautiful baby.
Matilda Mae.
A nine month old baby.
Taken too soon.

And I think of her and her mummy every day.

A Christmas Miracle

I have been so tired.

You know deep down when something is wrong with your baby, you google it, think it may pass, ask a friend, seek reassurance, but you just know.

Ruby has been such a fusspot since she was born, not sleeping and never a relaxed baby like the other two were. You could never leave her be, which has been really hard when trying to look after her and two other small children.

On the advice of a very good friend and a couple of recommendations I booked her in to see a cranial osteopath.

I really didn't hold out much hope as I wasn't even sure if there was anything wrong. Maybe it was me? Passing out my anxiety vibes, according to my dad!

It was something I had never heard of before, or wasn't really listening! But when babies have violent births ie being unceremoniously yanked out with forceps, it can cause all sorts of problems. Makes sense really.

And boy, was she battered!!!

They call her 'The White Witch of Lympsham', this osteopath.

As soon as I walked in, I knew I was in the right place. It even smelt peaceful!

Lisa looked at Ruby's head and said she could still see and feel where the forceps went and basically Ruby has had a low grade headache since birth bless her.

This has caused her to be 'nassy'. A northern term apparently, which means not feeling quite right. Great great word!!!

As she was laying on the couch having her head felt, I visibly saw her relax for the first time in her life. Her eyes were wide open, but she was still.

And she laid like that for half an hour, before she drifted off to sleep. Not fighting it, no fussing....Just quietness.

And that is how she has been ever since.

Her eyes are wide open too. I had never noticed before how scrunched up her little eyes were all the time. But that's what you do when you've got a headache.

Even her little tummy is relaxed. It was always tense and she hated it to be touched.

When Mark held her, he said he immediately felt calm because she was!

He held her for ages, something he hasn't really done yet because she fussed so much. They can finally bond!

Apparently this is very common, which is why I wanted to write about it really, get it out there! How many other families are suffering, when there is a simple solution.

THIS SHOULD BE TOLD TO MOTHERS WHO HAVE FORCEP DELIVERIES.

It truly is a Christmas Miracle!

And my beautiful baby is no longer in pain.

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