Silent Sunday

Wading through treacle

It's quarter to two in the afternoon and I've finally sat down with a cup of coffee!

Probably a familiar tale to many of you mothers out there, but sometimes I find it all so overwhelming and bloody hard work, especially when my head isn't feeling right, which is most of the time lately.

I always feel so full of fear, of what I don't know. I always have, and it's horrible.

I had a mental health assessment yesterday for counselling...more bloody counselling!

Usual story, but something's got to give. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this torment. Why should I?

http://clarelouallen.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-wolf-at-door.html

I know I think too much! I'm scared to reach out to people.

My best friend reminded me what I've got in my life today. More than I ever dreamt possible, so why can't I move on? Why don't I feel anything?

I believe in God, I also believe everything happens for a reason. Every struggle I have been through I look back on and can see why it had to happen.

It isn't always like this fortunately! I had a moment yesterday when I looked at my children when I felt so proud. I live for these moments!

When is the right time for Christmas decorations?

Hmmmm!

This was a post originally written by Helpful mum at http://www.offcumden.com/2012/12/when-is-right-time-for-christmas.html and it got me thinking.

Christmas seems to come around earlier every year now. Mince Pie on Halloween anyone?

I used to be the girl at school who bedecked her room every year, the tackier the better, but then I got an eating disorder and Christmas became a battlefield for many years...in fact I still don't really enjoy it. But now I have two babies of my own, I want to make Christmas time as special as I can.

Luke is nearly three. Still a bit too young to understand it all, though he seems to get that Santa brings him presents if he is a good boy.....

And therein lies another dilemma. Trying to stop using that as a weapon every time he is naughty. Because he is naughty a lot!!

Amy is one and into everything! So where am I supposed to put the tree without her pulling it over or yanking off the baubles?

We won't be here on Christmas Day, My mum will be hostess with the mostest!! Just don't mention her lumpy gravy.....EVER!!

Maybe this weekend then! When Elf is on..... Maybe that will get me in the festive spirit!

Still no idea where to put the bloody tree!